The Sixth Street Bridge

The Sixth Street Bridge
At the tender age of 17, I walked across this bridge, alone, into Downtown Pittsburgh, with $300 in my pocket that my mother had given me to get an abortion. I went into the Fulton Building (in the picture) and did what I was told to do. I didn't have a choice - if I did, I wouldn't have chosen abortion.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Sink or swim, or walk as it were… (Part II)


        I am a huge fan of music – of all kinds of music.  Most popular music typically holds ulterior meanings for me in the lyrics.  There is a song by the Indigo Girls called “Ghost.”  It’s a song about being in love with the ghost of a past love, what appears to be a romantic love in the song.  For me, the haunting lyrics speak to me in my struggle over being in love with the ghost(s) of my past – the ghosts that allow me to wallow in self pity and keep me from my full potential because, let’s face it, being good all the time is hard work.  For me, it’s about being in love with Grace’s ghost, being in love with the sound of the machine that took her from my body – and not in love with who she really is – my daughter living in His presence.  Which Grace I choose to love plays out in large part on my daily life.  I thought of this song when reading tomorrow’s Gospel because there is a line in the song that goes, “And I guess that's how you started, like a pinprick to my heart, but at this point you rush right through me, and I start to drown.”  I have to remind myself that being in love with ghosts causes me to drown, but my faith in what’s really true allows me to stay on top of the water, holding hands with Jesus.

There's a letter on the desktop
That I dug out of a drawer
The last truce we ever came to
In our adolescent war
And I start to feel the fever
From the warm air through the screen
You come regular like seasons
Shadowing my dreams

The Mississippi's mighty
it starts in Minnesota
At a place that you could walk across
With five steps down
And I guess that's how you started
Like a pinprick to my heart
But at this point you rush right through me
And I start to drown

And there's not enough room
In this world for my pain
Signals cross and love gets lost
And time passed makes it plain
Of all my demon spirits
I need you the most
I'm in love with your ghost

Dark and dangerous like a secret
That gets whispered in a hush
When I wake the things I dreamt about you
Last night make me blush
(Don't tell a soul)
And you kiss me like a lover
Then you sting me like a viper
I go follow to the river
Play your memory like a piper

And I feel it like a sickness
How this love is killing me
I'd walk into the fingers
Of your fire willingly
And dance the edge of sanity
I've never been this close
I'm in love with your ghost

Unknowing captor
You never know how much you
Pierce my spirit
But I can't touch you
Can you hear it?
A cry to be free
Oh I'm forever under lock and key
As you pass through me

Now I see your face before me
I would launch a thousand ships
To bring your heart back to my island
As the sand beneath me slips
As I burn up in your presence
And I know now how it feels
To be weakened like Achilles
With you always at my heels

This bitter pill I swallow
Is the silence that I keep
It poisons me I can't swim free
The river is too deep
Though I'm baptized by your touch
I am no worse than most
In love with your ghost
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2 comments:

  1. RAnnAugust 6, 2011 at 5:47 PM

    Very moving blog.

    Welcome to the Catholic Blogs directory. I'd also like to invite you to participate in Sunday Snippets--A Catholic Carnival, which is a weekly opportunity for Catholic bloggers to share posts with each other. This week's host post is at http://rannthisthat.blogspot.com/2011/08/sunday-snippets-catholic-carnival.html

    ReplyDelete
  2. Victor S E MoubarakAugust 6, 2011 at 8:32 PM

    Greetings and prayers to you.

    Visit us at the Community of Catholic Bloggers.

    God bless.

    ReplyDelete

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