At the tender age of 17, I walked across this bridge, alone, into Downtown Pittsburgh, with $300 in my pocket that my mother had given me to get an abortion. I went into the Fulton Building (in the picture) and did what I was told to do. I didn't have a choice - if I did, I wouldn't have chosen abortion.
Friday, January 11, 2013
7 Quick Takes Friday
--- 1 ---
This is my first shot at 7 Quick Takes Friday so I have no idea what to talk about. Is announcing that I don't know what to talk about considered a "quick take?"
--- 2 ---
It's been almost two weeks since I spoke to my Mom on the telephone. This sounds like something easy to rectify - but it's not. It's complicated. I know I should just suck it up and call, but every phone call is becoming more and more difficult. I know my parents are both aging, but it's getting worse, exponentially it seems. My Mom and I have the same conversation generally, with just a few differences. We don't talk about anything very meaningful and it usually ends up with me feeling exponentially crappy about myself. When I do decide to call - I am told exactly how many days it's been since I called last in case I forgot. In the meantime, I send daily emails and pictures and updates, but this does not carry the same weight as a phone call. If I call with the kids around and they are noisy, I hear sighing because it's noisy. If I call when the kids aren't around, I am criticized for only calling when the kids aren't around to talk to her. I can't win.
--- 3 ---
Speaking of mother/daughter relationships - my eldest here on earth is giving me a run for my money. I think it has to do with the curse my mother put on me as soon as she found out I was having a girl. To announce the "girl" baby coming I sent a bunch of pink flowers to her office at work. In return I got a phone call telling me about how she couldn't wait to see what my daughter would do to me as payback. Congrats Mom - you are winning at this point! Though I'll never tell her that or let on. Parenting a tween with hormones emerging daily is exasperating. I keep trying to remember what I needed the most at that age and give it to her. Sometimes I just hide because she hates me and loves Daddy right now.
--- 4 ---
Speaking of other mother/daughter relationships - I'm finding my little one is much more sensitive than she lets on. A very familiar quality I can relate to. She's maturing every day and I find myself missing all the things that went on when she wasn't quite so mature yet. The toys at Christmas weren't baby toys. Her clothes aren't baby clothes. She's very independent in a good way. Even so she still is shy sometimes and clings to me and insists on 100 kisses before bedtime or before leaving me. I try to remind myself to enjoy it now because she will be a tween before I know it and hate me too.
--- 5 ---
I didn't get around to any real new year's resolutions. The cliché one of course is to lose weight and get healthy. I can feel myself struggling to breathe sometimes - not a good sign. I'm not sure if it's stress and anxiety or just exertion. Probably a little of everything. When I used to smoke regularly I don't remember any breathing problems at all - so this has to be an age and weight and health thing. Oh joy. I've put off my annual appointments for the last year and I don't think I can avoid it any longer. I just don't feel well, or good, or healthy. I need to just @#$#@ do it already. I used to be a fitness guru of sorts and was just about a gym rat. I don't know where that person is. So I think get healthy and let my hair grow out are about as new year's resolution-y I'm going to get this year.
--- 6 ---
Boy these 7 quick takes are fast becoming 7 depressing diatribes - that is until the little one just interrupted take #5 demanding a hug. Best part of the day. Not a regular hug mind you, she has to crawl on my lap and I'm not allowed to look at the lap top, and I have to wrap her up in my arms and stay there until she's ready to leave. Sometimes being a mom rocks.
--- 7 ---
One last resolution - or at least something I need to work on and want to work on... my "prayer life." I need to learn how to pray somehow or at least figure out if what I consider praying is really prayer or does it matter or does He even care? As usual, I will complicate the hell out of it.