Upon sharing the above with someone, they replied with a direction to this from the CCC 2005..."Must you continue to be your own cross? No matter which way God leads you, you change everything into bitterness by constantly brooding over everything. For the love of God, replace all this self-scrutiny with a pure and simple glance at God's goodness." St. Jeanne de Chantal
And further, a direction to St. Joan of Arc's (who will be my research project this week) reply to a question of her knowledge that she was indeed, in God's grace, she replied thus...Since it belongs to the supernatural order, grace escapes our experience and cannot be known except by faith. We cannot therefore rely on our feelings or our works to conclude that we are justified and saved. However, according to the Lord's words "Thus you will know them by their fruits" - reflection on God's blessings in our life and in the lives of the saints offers us a guarantee that grace is at work in us and spurs us on to an ever greater faith and an attitude of trustful poverty.
Amen, St. Joan."If I am not, may it please God to put me in it; if I am, may it please God to keep me there."
My goals for the start of this blog have been met and far exceeded anything I set out to accomplish and for this I'm extremely grateful. I am humbled by comments and emails received. I am further humbled by those who have graciously shared my story on their own blogs, especially Mark Shea of Catholic and Enjoying It, and Dear Father George of the Holy Souls Hermitage. That they found my story worthy enough for the sharing is overwhelming.
Surprisingly, my blog has become a source of prayer as I pray for those who send me emails and I pray for the unknown people behind the keywords that bring you to my story. I hope you found whatever it is you needed while you visited. I pray too for the small percentage of those I affectionately refer to as "whack-a-do's" for reminding me that no, I'm not that kind of crazy, thank you Jesus.
I pray for all those who found my blog looking for ultrasound pictures and how to tell male from female in utero, and down's syndrome in utero, and malformations in utero. Now I know why I chose that ultrasound picture to put on my blog early on. I pray that all of you who found it, for whatever reason you were looking, stopped and paused a moment while here.
I pray and am thankful for those who found my blog upon searching for ways to help a post abortive woman, preaching on abortion, and similar search phrases. I pray that you did find something here and you did help whoever it is you were thinking of.
I pray for the literally thousands who stumbled upon my blog by way of unicornuate uterus searches, and the chances for pregnancy with a banana shaped uterus, blocked fallopian tubes, non-ovulation, etc. This "rare" condition, obviously not so rare, is not an absolute. I pray that your physicians find ways to assist you and that you don't give up hope on becoming pregnant - I did, three times, when the odds were certainly against it all.
My prayers for all those who stumbled here looking for forgiveness for abortion - know that, yes, there is infinite mercy and forgiveness from Him. I pray that you have come to know this as an absolute and have gone to find it.
My prayers for those who found me by searching for "abortion." For you, I offer up the simplest of prayers because I don't know your whys or reasons. I ask Him to help you and I ask Our Lady to intercede on your behalf.
By far the most visited post on my blog is the Story of my Abortion that I posted on July 4th of last year. I pray for all of you who read it for whatever reason you did. My main goal in starting this blog was to share my story to help whomever, however. I pray that my story has done just that.
So, for all of the above, I am eternally grateful and humbled more than ever before in my lifetime. A year of reflection, 73 posts, 47 followers, 10 countries, and 23,396 visits. Truly, utterly, humbled.
Thank you to my husband for his patient, unending support. Thank you to those of you (and you know who you are) who know me by name and have offered your support and guidance over the last year. Thank you to Grace for your persistence in making yourself known to me when I needed you most. And a thank you to my two children here on earth, who humble me every day on a multitude of levels, perhaps one day I'll share this journal with you and you'll understand.